"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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