I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
