I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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