This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
