My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
