The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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