I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
