on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
