My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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