There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
