shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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