I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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