If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
