Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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