your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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