you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
