she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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