I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
