tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
