i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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