We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
