If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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