so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We named our party play list daddy issues
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
