please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
