Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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