if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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