I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
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