Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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