grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
