Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
