Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
