HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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