Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
