I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
