Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
