The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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