i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
