Nicole vs. Life
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
