Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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