They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
