Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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