The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
