I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Alive.
So much puke
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
