I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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