Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Randomize
