Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
