YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
