I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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