miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
