I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
