Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
love makes seman taste better
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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